my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
