She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
