my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
