drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
