so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
