we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
