even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
