I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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