His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
