I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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