im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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