dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
