you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
