Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
