Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
