After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
