I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
