I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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