Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
