She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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