Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
