I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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