Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
