So drunk its hurt
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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