The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
