Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
