His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
