I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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