I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
