Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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