It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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