this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
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I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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