Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
