I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
