somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
