i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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