Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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