How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
