Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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