u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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