Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
