An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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