is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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