My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
