It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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