just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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