I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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