id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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