Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
