drinking out of a sandbucket again
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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