I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
