I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
