I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
