hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
