She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
