did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
