is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
