I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
