i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
