HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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