mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Michael Bay diarrhea
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
