So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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