hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
