and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need to calm my uterus...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
