you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
