Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
