Nicole vs. Life
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
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She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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