the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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