then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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